Honest Stuff I Make Up · · Tucson
Principal Characters
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The Houseboys
- Panchesco, the narrator
- Anton Adams, best friend and unrequitted romantic interest to Panchesco, houseboy to Thomas Ache, dabbler in state politics via the fragrant and gussied-up senators he calls friends
- Oxidio, a bisexual android, friend to Paco Rabanne
- Van Dale, disemployed domestic, talented illustrator and painter of found objects
- Donnie Horowitz, consistently ranked number-one houseboy based soley on his self-reported abilities as an ice dancer, brother to Kendra
- Magritte Torres, master of illusion, not a boy at all
Other Domestics and Staff Members
Ferdy Tang, dashing Sino-Dutch driver to Thomas Ache
Kendra Horowitz, au-pair, ice dancer, Joyce Carol Oates scholar, cook, toenail hydrotherapy specialist, sister to Donnie Horowitz
Leonor, an energetic cosmetologist, a licensed (and extremely popular) anesthesiologist
Fondelio Doquiera, Thomas Ache's personal secretary, a master of exageración
Transport
Winchell, Panchesco's bicycle, a candidate for gender reassignment, an admirer of Jasper and Phillipe
Sundry nameless hovercraft, helicopters, Osprey V-22's and World War II fighter planes
Administrators
Thomas Ache, an attorney, chairman of the board of the West Eastern Blenman Elm Houseboy Organized Services (WEBEHOS), Tucson Green Party nabob, employer to Anton Adams, Fondelio Doquiera, Ferdy Tang, and in his own words: "Just another red-blooded heterosexual Libertarian" [with a penis fetish]
Geoffery Cragmont, WEBEHOS dental benefits coordinator, a cheap bastard
Nebraska, much liked model-model with jurisdiction over western region houseboys
Gary Numan, often forgotten but never far-away superstar recording artist and charter flight fighter pilot
Petrocelli, newlywed public defender/homebuilder living in the Tucson foothills, eager to start a family, but currently spreading himself too thin fighting crime to accumulate a viable sperm count
Artists, Instructors, and Intelligentsia
Brain, number cruncher, hovercraft mechanic, friend to Panchesco
Travi, Southern California educator, will eventually patent a method for teaching Protestant nannies the subjunctive
Mombacho, see Momo Tombo
The Osmonds, the nice, albeit noisy, Mormon Family in the neighborhood
Paolo Ovnis, Milanese filmmaker, director of the critically acclaimed 1999 film, Un Giorno Chiaro
Assorted
Aristotle, flatulent billionaire and self-made invalid, mentor to ambitious young people
The John Johns, cloned twins, created by a heretofore-unnamed pharmaceutical company to cash in on the perpetual and universal obsession with the Kennedy family
Sprint, Fondelio's wireless services provider
Yusef Geraldizaño, a funn buddy, any funn buddy
My Little Pony, a poodle dressed as a horse dressed as Farrah Fawcette with a Holly Golightly flare
Campbell's Cream of Chicken Soup, a mainstay of creative cuisine the World over!