Clearing the Air about Clean Air Fiesta Confusion

Because the two events overlap this year, there has been some confusion as to what point in time the Clean Air Fiesta ends and the meticulously ritualized 37th annual celebration of the occasion of my birth or so called "birthday" begins.

This is understandable and unacceptable. Fortunately, the distinction is one that is easily made.

Whereas the Clean Air Fiesta began on March 22 and ends tomorrow, my birthday or "Panchesario" as it is known throughout much of the Southern part of the Western hemisphere, commences today after I consume my first Nutmeg Cubano at approximately 8:20 in the morning and culminates as the sun rises on the thirty-first day following my birthday, approximately right about the time it is getting light out on the morning of April 37th.

Numerologists and mathematicians take note of the unique numerical coincidence this year.

Unfortunately, it is now a little late to do much of anything for the Clean Air Fiesta. After all, Ride the Bus For Free Day was Thursday. Did you miss it? If so, I am deeply saddened.

No, not much to do now other than load the unused Clean Air Fiesta charcol briquettes and aerosol bug repellant into the car and fight the traffic home.

There is, however, still plenty of time to do something for Panchesario.

This year in lieu of the traditionally expensive travel packages and Dirk Yates videos that oft come my way and result in me doing the same, I am asking that second-hand sunglasses be sent to me here.

Please note that by second-hand, I do not mean shoplifted. I realize that things are tight this year, but if you were to steal and get caught and go to prison I would at first wonder where you had gone and then when I found out you were in prison I would not come visit you. Not even conjugally. And when you got out, I probably would not want to pursue things any further either. And if while in the big house you got really buff and managed not to lose too many teeth? Well, I do not even want to say how I would respond then.

Besides, I am not able to condone shoplifting because it is wrong and probably bad for your self-esteem in some way. I know because I once shoplifted a tube of mascara I was too embarrassed to buy and while I will not lie and say I felt more than a little guilty about it afterward, I definitely ended up feeling like less of a man because of my actions.

Catch you later baby, I gotta split.