The next time you find yourself forgetting the words to the song you are lip synching in an important cabaret act, just mouth the words watermelon, watermelon over and over until you remember. Only other fakers will know the difference. Unless you are in a Spanish speaking place. Then you should probably substitute guayava for watermelon lest you be discovered.

Has the summer's novelty song happened yet? So out of touch.

Disappointed a monsoon did not happen in my parts this hot afternoon, I distract myself by meditating on what Sade's 1985 single The Sweetest Taboo might sound like if interpreted by trained collies.

We thought we’d go to nearby beach Las Conchas for just a couple hours and then come home and get work done on weekend projects. The fresh ceviche tostadas and cold beer abided by our strict terms, but the sunburns took longer than expected and ultimately all we had time for when we got home was a nap.

The strong wind that has been blowing all week has stopped. Just like the cafe owner said it would.

As a child, I envied my kindergarten teacher’s overbite. Also, I interpreted my Sunday school teacher’s pock marks as proof of her ability to taste Big Mac flavors other people could not.

How effortlessly we forget the Spanish word for licorice.

Who needs sunglasses when sunglasses can be broken?

Hiram used some of his comp time and took Saturday off. We went to the gym for a long work-out, got haircuts from the tattooed dreamer who loves and misses Tucson but got into too much trouble there to be able go back after he was arrested and deported.

When we finished our haircuts, it was still early enough that the nearby spice shop that closes early on Saturdays was open so we checked it out. I fell in love with the selection, bought some rice, and left sneezing from all the dusty powders.

Then we rode our bikes to the malecon for shrimp and fish baskets at The Point. The tide was very high and the jet skiers and banana boaters were almost splashing us as they screamed by.

Afterward, we stopped at Bacanora Grill, hoping to say hello to our friends who own the place, “Los Muchachos,” but they were having a tense-looking business meeting and we decided not to interrupt. We had coffee and flan outside on the carport like patio and watched spring breakers booking sunset cruises.

Los Muchachos came out separately as we were leaving and each time I offered to loan them our helmets. I am so funny.

At sundown, we walked to Playa Mirador and tide pooled. Later at home we juiced limes for margaritas and rented a movie — The Hundred Foot Journey — to watch before going bed for a couple hours and the 2am run to Albatros for my bus ride back to Nogales.

I do wish people would stop saying “BOOM!” It’d be so much better if they just said quietly to themselves, “Oh my. That was much easier than I expected.”

Or something along those lines.

I know it’s not as dramatic as “BOOM!” but nobody really wants all that drama at times like these. At times like these, people just want to believe you when you say this plugin for your content management system is as easy to install and use as you say it is.

That’s how I feel.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder and gives the nipples a chance to heal.