Cineclub ·

The Martian

You know, the last time Matt Damon found himself stranded on an inhospitable planet, he was such a dick to the other astronauts who came back for him, I really think this time they should think long and hard before doing him any favors.

Honest Stuff I Make Up · · Puerto Peñasco

The Spanish Word for Giddy

Each day at sunset, I navigate the discarded plastic Coca-Cola bottles and Doritos bags of the tragically beautiful Sonoran shores of the Sea of Cortez with my patented technology Shake Weights in hand. Shake, shake, shake! When onlookers point and laugh, I coax maraca sounds from the shiny dumbbells: Cha, cha, cha! Cha, cha, cha! Five pounds of cha, cha, cha! Then I look back at the gawking litterbugs and ask, “Who is laughing now?”

Well, we all are, of course.

Cineclub · · Sonora

Double Feature

Dome and balloons

After watching back-to-back biopics for cosmologist Stephen Hawking and comic actor Cantinflas, details of the two ambitious films quickly blend together. My date and I finish our wine and make love with a newfound appreciation for both our motor and improvisational skills. Beneath the planetarium-like brick dome of our casita, atop a caster equipped houseplant stand, in contortions which look uncomfortable, we declare our passions for one another using only our left hands and the street slang of Mexico City delivered at a steady clip of five words per minute spoken in the robot voices of early 8-bit pornography.

Notes · · Puerto Peñasco

Primary Education

As a child, I envied my kindergarten teacher’s overbite. Also, I interpreted my Sunday school teacher’s pock marks as proof of her ability to taste Big Mac flavors other people could not.

Honest Stuff I Make Up · · Puerto Peñasco

Concertina

At the Concertina Trailer Park Retirement Community for Anxious Libertarians, a suspicious confluence of unseasonal weather, satellite network programming changes, and other discomforting irregularities has residents changing evening plans. In light of these certain uncertainties, it is decided that the trip to Sam’s Club for dog food and cigarettes can wait until after The O’Reilly Factor, which should be on right now but isn’t. In its place is a NASCAR themed garden makeover special sponsored by an unpopular arthritis gel. And now everything just feels wrong in the current slot.

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